The Further: My Journey Through Darkness, and the Light That Refuses to Die
An Insidious Reflection on Trauma, Survival, Faith, and Finding My Way Home
Its been a while since Ive last written on this platform. Im back in school, and four classes this semester has been time consuming and sometimes exhausting. It hasnt been easy. But Im happy with the progress that my sister and the Jay Act have made. And Im looking forward to our new friendships with DJ Hood and world renowned reggaeton artist Farruko.
This past week has been particularly rough for me. The post surgery anxiety still manages to get the best of me sometimes. The thought of feeling vulnerable in this prison environment can become overwhelming.
My surroundings are a constant trigger for the anxieties I feel. They trigger the trauma of being diagnosed with stage four cancer and the loss of my eye. The medical unit, the corridors, the school building, my cell are constant reminders of the pain I endured alone. The late nights when I needed that physical embrace, a familiar voice to listen to, it just wasnt there. Contact with the outside world ends at 11 pm. And Im forced to face the traumatic reality of a prison system that seeks nothing more than to destroy the bodies it warehouses.
Today, I made an interesting analogy. For those of you who know me, I love movies. I dont just watch movies for entertainment. I actually find life lessons and hard truths within certain films. And I actually made an analogy from the horror movie franchise Insidious. Can you believe it?! Out of all movies, Insidious!
If youve watched any of the Insidious movies you know about the Further, a dark place where lost souls wander. Its also a place where malevolent spirits lurk, seeking to invade and destroy the bodies of the living. And for you Insidious fans, we know to stay away from that Red Door.
But thats what its like for me when I walk around Green Haven. Its like walking in the Further, a dark place with lost souls, people forgotten or ignored by society. Im carrying a lamp, searching for a way home out of the darkness. There are souls who are searching for a way out of the darkness with me, and there are souls who want to remain in the dark. And let us not forget that malevolent spirits lurk within the darkness. To me, these are those in correctional and medical positions within DOCCS who not only prey on the lost souls within their custody, but try to destroy the bodies of our families with the continual harassment and burdens placed on them.
The lamp has a deep significance for me. The lamp I carry that guides me through the darkness is illuminated by my faith and hope. My lamp is illuminated by the love of my family and friends. And it is illuminated by all of you who believe in and support what the Jay Act is doing. As I see it, none of you can be extinguished. In fact, we are burning brighter and the fire of our movement is growing.
I will find my way out of this darkness, Ill find my way home. My lamp remains bright and thats because I have you all with me.
And always remember that the Jay Act, is our revolution!
In solidarity and love,
Jay
